


Who’s Standing Now and Who’s Standing Tomorrow?

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 08:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2421809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She promised herself she would never let her emotional side get the best of her rational side ever again.  For better or worse, she lived by that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who’s Standing Now and Who’s Standing Tomorrow?

**Author's Note:**

> Erin really spoke to me when I thought about this not that great episode. It was very interesting to listen to. The title of the story comes from the Billy Joel song _All About Soul_.

“What are we drinking to?” Erin held up her glass of Chateau Ste. Michelle.

“Mmm, I think we should drink to your beautiful eyes.”

“David…”

“What? You asked what we’re drinking to and then you object to my answer. Woman there is no satisfying you.”

Erin smiled, sipping her drink.

“Oh I think we both know that’s not true, SSA Rossi.”

“Three years running.” He replied with a smile of his own.

“So are we going to discuss New Mexico?” Erin asked.

“I surely didn’t bring you to this amazing restaurant to talk about the job.”

They had a Thursday night reservation at DC Coast. The BAU returned from New Mexico last night. The case was solved under the most unusual of circumstances. The whole thing was strange and Dave didn’t really like it. But it was his job.

It was done now though, he didn’t need to rehash it. He and Erin didn’t talk about his work often, they discussed hers more so. Still, they both preferred to discuss anything but. It wasn’t as if they were lacking for conversation.

“I have to admit that I'm curious.” She said.

“About what?”

“Cadet Ashley Seaver, or should I say Beauchamp. I wouldn’t have approved the trip but Agent Hotchner seemed to think it was the right thing to do.”

“Her last name is Seaver.” Dave replied. “She has a lot to learn just as most cadets do.”

“Would she be learning it under your wing? They're all dying to do it, you know? Everyone wants to be Ashley’s new father figure, the reason she goes all the way to the F-B-I.”

“She’s already in the FBI…almost.”

“I'm quoting Hannibal Lecter.”

“I knew that.”

Dave wasn’t sure if it was Erin or Section Chief Strauss asking the questions but he didn’t like the connotation. He wasn’t sure, no he was positive, that he didn’t want to answer it. He’d mentored a fair share of agents in his time…it came with the territory. It could be a fantastic experience. Like everything else it also had its downsides.

“I know we can't discriminate based on lineage.” Erin said. “But I don’t think her being in the FBI is the best idea. I certainly don’t think the BAU is the place for her.”

“Don’t we all deserve the right to quiet our demons?” Dave asked.

“Do you truly believe she can do that by confronting her father day in and day out? She wants to know why but she never will. I believe her “special circumstances” make her a risk, not an asset.”

“If there's one thing that’s following Ashley, it’s the opinions of others. The poor girl is a freak.”

“Just tell me what you think…your expert opinion.”

“If I do that can we get back to talking about your eyes?” Dave asked.

“Without interruption or objection.”

“I think Cadet Seaver can and will be a fantastic Agent one day. At the same time, I may agree with you about the BAU. But only time will tell. It’s not just about the monsters, empathy for the victim is quite important in what we do.”

“Empathy and guilt are two very different things.” Erin said. “Guilt sent her right into the clutches of a serial killer.”

Dave sighed. He should've known that she knew about it. He wasn’t sure if Aaron told her because he had to or if someone else had.

“That was a mistake, Erin.”

“It was a mistake that nearly cost her her life. She was reckless, but even more than that she was stupid. Even if he wasn’t the killer going over there with her guilty apology for what her father’s done could’ve set him off. At the very least he was a distraught loved one of a victim. The two cases had nothing to do with each other.”

Dave couldn’t bring himself to disagree. She also disobeyed a direct order and Hotch was pissed. There were a lot of things Ashley needed to work out in her heart and head. In the field in pursuit of a killer was not the place to do it. They all gently ribbed Prentiss about her legendary compartmentalization skills but those skills kept her alive and her teammates safe.

The BAU didn’t do things the way it used to…the unit as a whole succeeded or failed. It was about the sum of parts, not the agenda of an individual. He had to learn that when he returned. Ashley would have to learn it one day as well. They surely weren't perfect. But in the field they were always the BAU first.

Hotch, Prentiss, Rossi, Morgan, and Reid had to put their egos and everything else aside to work for a common goal. Seaver hadn't done that in the field last night. It could’ve gotten her killed and they put their lives on the line to stop that from happening. She had a lot to learn. Her past experience would either help or hinder. That was up to her…maybe.

“Do you remember the time Cumberland got the jump on you?” Dave asked.

“That is not the same.” Erin could barely keep her voice steady as the moments flashed through her mind like jagged shards of glass. Each was still capable of cutting deep. “You cannot compare the two.”

“You were a young cadet trying to prove yourself…”

“Stop it, David.”

Her tone stopped him cold. He was trying to prove a point but he knew that he went too far. Reaching across the table for both hands, it was a good sign when he wasn’t rejected.

“Hey, I'm sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, I was proving a point.”

“I haven’t thought about that in a long time.” Erin barely whispered. “I don’t want to think about it now.”

_It was her last month in the Academy. Erin was second in her class; a shining star. Most of those in the know whispered the only reason she wasn’t at the top was that she had a pair of breasts. Hers was only the 6th class of cadets that had women and there was only a handful. None of that mattered to Erin, she kept excelling._

There were plenty of guys who tried to trip her up, each had their own reasons. She rarely let the jokes and the harassment get past her brick walls and barbed wire fences. Miles Cumberland was different. Firstly, he was an Agent. Secondly, he was relentless in his abuse.

No one knew how long Erin suffered in silence but by month five of Academy training the gender war was well known to all the cadets and most of the training agents. Whenever she was approached about it, Erin downplayed the whole thing. She never let a soul know how terrified she was of the man.

Defense training was Erin’s nemesis. She wasn’t a fighter, she was a thinker. All of her teachers said so but she refused to listen. She’d be damned if she took an exemption…she’d never be able to live with herself if she did. They would never respect her as a real Agent.

Three days a week she went in there and gave it her all. Cumberland loved beating the fight out of her. One afternoon he took it too far in hand to hand combat. Erin never backed down from him. Some of the male cadets tried to put a stop to it.

They knew it was wrong even if some of them believed women didn’t belong there. Cumberland wasn’t listening to anyone…he was going to break the princess. When SSA Kirk Douglas walked in planning to do an observation he immediately pulled Cumberland off of her. He rushed out with Erin to the infirmary. She had two bruised ribs, a bloody nose, busted lip, and contusions on her chest and torso.

“Why the hell didn’t you put an end to it?” Kirk demanded, half-concerned and half pissed off.

He was the one who handpicked Erin from Barnard. She had it, Kirk just knew it; she was the future of the Bureau. He wasn’t sure if she was field material but he loved her refusal to back down from any challenge placed in her path. She’d told him a little something about her battle with Cumberland, who was a first class chauvinist prick. That was why he went there that afternoon; he knew she was in the class then.

“I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of my saying Uncle.” Erin replied, holding the wet cloth to her bleeding nose.

“So you give him the satisfaction of kicking your ass? Think Erin.” He tapped her forehead. “Don’t you ever let them get the best of you again. Brains win out every time, do you hear me. And the smart man, or woman, knows when to walk away. Don’t you ever let them take you there again.”

She nodded, taking those words to heart. They were part of her mantra over thirty years later. Erin didn’t even find satisfaction in Cumberland’s dressing down and demotion. What he’d done to her would never be forgotten by her or anyone else in the room. It was one more thing Erin Strauss had to live down. She promised herself she would never let her emotional side get the best of her rational side ever again. For better or worse, she lived by that.

“I'm sorry, Erin.”

Before she could respond, their dinner arrived. She’d ordered the steak salad with balsamic vinaigrette. Dave got the lobster tortellini Alfredo. She slipped her hands out of his, putting on an absolutely beautiful but false smile.

“I didn’t know how hungry I was until they sat it in front of me.” She said.

Dave knew what that meant. The conversation was over. He smiled too, accepting that he’d gone too far. He had to figure out how to get back.

***

“I stepped over the line.”

“Hmm?” Erin had been looking out the window, somewhere between the past and present.

It had started to rain as Dave drove back to his place in Fairfax, Virginia. His lead foot was lighter on the gas pedal than usual with the wet roads. He always preferred the back roads from DC. Erin enjoyed the scenic route. It was dark though, nothing to see, but that didn’t matter.

He played his favorite music, spent time with his favorite girl…it was a win-win situation. Except tonight wasn’t like most nights. Even sitting next to each other they were miles apart. Dave wanted to pull her close again.

“I thought I was trying to make a point, no I was trying to make a point. I failed though and I think I brought up some bad memories.”

“I'm fine.” Erin lied.

“No, you're not. I'm not either; I never meant to hurt you.”

“David…” she put her hand on his as it relaxed on the steering wheel. “It was a long time ago.”

“I know.”

“It has nothing to do with anything, least of all Ashley Seaver. Our experiences are not the same and nothing anyone says will make them so. I didn’t say the things I said about her out of some kind of contempt…”

“I know that.”

“Let me finish. I'm concerned about her; I'm concerned about the Bureau. The BAU is my responsibility…I won't let her issues get my agents hurt.”

“Wow, I think this might be the only thing you and Aaron Hotchner ever agree on. He really handed it to her; she knows she has a lot to learn.”

“I don’t want her learning it at the expense of anyone else. Maybe that’s the difference between her and I. I learned so many lessons at my own expense. But I've done my share of hurting others in this job thinking that I was doing what needed to be done. I didn’t risk anyone’s life though. She was risking your life and that’s unacceptable.”

“I'm here, Erin, and I'm fine.” Dave caressed her hand.

She nodded, not saying anything else. She leaned back, closing her eyes and letting Billie Holliday fill her up. There was part of Erin that wished she wouldn’t have asked about the case. She already knew what happened; she always knew what happened.

But she wanted to know how Dave felt about it. She never expected Cumberland to come up. She definitely never expected it to affect her like it had. Erin sighed.

“I need a cigarette.”

Dave pushed the window down some and she smiled at him. Erin pulled a Marlboro Mild from her purse, lit it, and took a deep inhale. Feeling the poison course through her veins made her calmer. She had the music, the man, and the moment…it was hers. She wasn’t a young woman back in the Academy fearing Defensive Training.

She was BAU Section Chief Erin Strauss. For better or for worse everything else was in the past. Ashley Seaver had to pave her own way and make her own decisions. If her file came across the Section Chief’s desk Erin didn’t know what she was going to do with it. All she knew is that she had to stop thinking about it tonight.

“I'm sorry I brought it up.” She said.

“So am I. I mean, I'm sorry I brought up the Cumberland thing.”

“We both need to forget about it. How should we do that?”

“There’s ice cream, caramel, and whipped cream at home.” Dave said. “Unless you ate it all while I was gone.”

“You weren't gone that long, David.” She managed a smile.

“So we’ll have a giant sundae. And then I’ll make love to you.”

“Well I am going to need to do something to burn off the calories.” Erin replied.

He glanced at her and she was wearing something that resembled a satisfied grin. She was doing what they all did, reorganizing. The bad things went to the back of her mind and the good things came to the front. It took time and experience to get to that point; knowing which battles to fight tooth and nail and which to let go. Erin Strauss had time and experience in spades. If Ashley Seaver was lucky someday she would as well.

***

  



End file.
